Fathers Day Funny Quotes From Kids

Check out these carefully-selected father's day quotes for that special dad in your life. As dads can make a difference in a child's life, it's only fitting that we recognize them on their special day.

Fathers can be that reliable presence in a family that makes the difference in kids feeling self-confident and prepared to take on the world. Dads teach children how to ride bikes, throw a baseball, bait a hook when fishing, and so much more.

You'll be remembering all that your father has done for you as you read through this collection. And, feel free to use one of the quotes that resonate with you in a social media post, letter, or card to your dad!

Best Father's Day Quotes

Top Ten Selected by the Poet's Panel – If you're in a hurry, here are the top quotations for you selected by our expert panel anchored by The Poet.

1.) Remember: What dad really wants is a nap. Really.
Dave Barry

2.) One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters.
George Herbert

3.) The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get.
Tim Russert

4.) My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, "You're tearing up the grass." "We're not raising grass," Dad would reply. "We're raising boys."
Harmon Killebrew

5.) By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong.
Charles Wadsworth

Steve Martin quote on being a father image

6.) A father carries pictures where his money used to be.
Steve Martin

7.) My daughter got me a "World's Best Dad" mug. So we know she's sarcastic.
Bob Odenkirk

8.) A father is someone you look up to no matter how tall you grow.
Unknown

9.) A truly rich man is one whose children run into his arms when his hands are empty.
Unknown

10.) My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person: he believed in me.
Jimmy Valvano

Funny Father's Day Quotes

11.) We wondered why when a child laughed, he belonged to Daddy, and when he had a sagging diaper that smelled like a landfill, 'He wants his mother.'
Erma Bombeck

12.) I've been to war. I've raised twins. If I had a choice, I'd rather go to war.
George W. Bush

13.) I have always had the feeling I could do anything, and my dad told me I could. I was in college before I found out he might be wrong.
Ann Richards

14.) We never know the love of a parent until we become parents ourselves.
Henry Ward Beecher

15.) A father's words are like a thermostat that sets the temperature in the house.
Paul Lewis

16.) It kills you to see them grow up. But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn't.
Barbara Kingsolver

17.) Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.
Jack Handy

18.) The quality of a father can be seen in the goals, dreams, and aspirations he sets not only for himself but for his family.
Reed Markham

Amusing Quotations

19.) My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.
Bob Monkhouse

20.) Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.
Martin Mull

21.) A man knows he is growing old because he begins to look like his father.
Gabriel Garcia Marquez

22.) Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.
Robert Orben

23.) Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then, fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again.
Jimmy Piersall

24.) You can't spell "parentry" without "try." Of course, you'll make a few mistakes. The important thing is that the mistakes you make with your kids are the same ones your parents made with you. At least you know how those turn out.
Stephen Colbert

Father's Day Quotes Funny

25.) When you're young, you think your dad is Superman. Then you grow up, and you realize he's just a regular guy who wears a cape.
Dave Attell

26.) On the perfect Father's Day. There would be just Dad, wearing his oldest surviving undershorts, free of pressure, maybe just sitting in front of the TV, watching the NBA finals. There would be no conversation other than Dad periodically observing that these players today could carry the ball across Montana and never get called for traveling.

Of course, that's not all. You'd also make a restaurant reservation, and at the end of the day, you'd dress up and go out and have a nice dinner, during which you'd propose a toast to Dad, who would be back home, in front of the TV, happily asleep in his veteran underwear.
Dave Barry

27.) Every father is the architect of his home life.
Reed Markham

28.) I remember the time I was kidnapped, and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
Rodney Dangerfield

29.) Me and my dad used to play tag. He'd drive.
Rodney Dangerfield

30.) The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, the second half by our children.
Clarence Darrow

Hilarious Father's Day Quotations

31.) Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up.
Ray Romano

32.) I gave my father $100 and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother.
Rita Rudner

33.) Father's Day is important because, besides being the day on which we honor Dad, it's the one day of the year that Brookstone does any business.
Jimmy Fallon

34.) My daughter got me a "World's Best Dad" mug. So we know she's sarcastic.
Bob Odenkirk

35.) You can tell what was the best year of your father's life because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.
Jerry Seinfeld

36.) Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.
John Stewart

Check out our hilarious jokes.

From Daughter

37.) It is a wise father that knows his own child.
Shakespeare

38.) I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.
Harry Truman

39.) No one in this world can love a girl more than her father.
Michael Ratnadeepak

40.) My father gave me my dreams. Thanks to him, I could see a future.
Liza Minnelli

41.) It's only when you grow up and step back from him–or leave him for your own home–it's only then that you can measure his greatness and fully appreciate it.
Margaret Truman

42.) A girl's first true love is her father.
Marisol Santiago

43.) A dad is someone who wants to catch you when you fall. Instead, he picks you up, brushes you off, and lets you try again.
Unknown

You might like 73 of the Best Dad Jokes of All Time.

Happy Father's Day Quotes From Son

44.) My father used to say that it's never too late to do anything you wanted to do. You never know what you can accomplish until you try.
Michael Jordan

45.) Dad, your guiding hand on my shoulder will remain with me forever.
Unknown

46.) I feel that the greatest gift that I can give my children is the freedom to be who they are.
Will Smith

47.) I only hope when I have my own family that every day, I see a little more of my father in me.
Keith Urban

48.) Daddies don't just love their children every now and then; it's a love without end.
George Strait

49.) My father didn't do anything unusual. He only did what dads are supposed to do—be there.
Max Lucado

50.) Anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad.
Wade Boggs

Father's Day Quotes From Son

51.) You can tell what was the best year of your dad's life because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.
Jerry Seinfeld

52.) The only Father's Day tradition in my family is the annual conversation he and I have where I say, 'Hey, Dad, what do you want for Father's Day this year?' and he says, 'Nothing.' Then I ask my mom what I should get him and she says, 'He likes sandalwood soap, dangly jewelry and Chanel No 5 perfume.
Michael Showalter

53.) My dad was my best friend and greatest role model. He was an amazing dad, coach, mentor, soldier, husband, and friend.
Tiger Woods

54.) Marriage is like a coffin, and each kid is another nail.
Homer Simpson

55.) Dad, even when you weren't holding my hand, you always had my back.
Unknown

Good Father's Day Sayings

56.) When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.
Mark Twain

57.) The greatest gift I ever received came from God – I call him Dad!
Unknown

58.) Any man can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad.
Unknown

59.) Great fathers don't find fault. Great fathers find solutions.
Reed Markham

60.) The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.
Unknown

61.) My dad, like any coach, has always stressed the fundamentals. He taught me responsibility, accountability, and the importance of hard work.
Steve Young

62.) Average fathers have patience. Good fathers have more patience. Great fathers have an ocean of patience.
Reed Markham

63.) A good father is one of the most unsung, unpraised, unnoticed, and yet one of the most valuable assets in our society.
Billy Graham

Check out 85 Bad Dad Jokes.

Father's Day Quotes for Husband

64.) There are times when parenthood seems nothing more than feeding the hand that bites you.
Peter De Vries

65.) Father's Day is important because, besides being the day on which we honor Dad, it's the one day of the year that Brookstone does any business.
Jimmy Fallon

66.) There should be a children's song: 'If you're happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep.
Jim Gaffigan

For Husband on Father's Day

67.) Happy First Father's Day — Being a father is the most important job a man will ever have.

68.) Even though this is only the beginning, it's easy to see our baby loves you just as much as I do. Happy Father's Day

69.) For my husband, I can't tell you how blessed I feel to have you for my husband. When you came into my life, I knew you were God's choice for me.

70.) I love being with you and cherish your spending time with our children. Wishing happy Father's Day to a caring husband and dad!

71.) On Father's Day, I want you to know that I love raising our family with you! I cannot imagine anyone else in your place.

72.) Real heroes in this world are men like you who would do anything to make a difference in their child's life.

73.) The only thing better than having you as a husband is for our children to have you as a dad.

For Brother

74.) A man's children and his garden both reflect the amount of weeding done during the growing season.
Unknown

75.) Not only are your kids lucky to have you for a dad. I was lucky to have you for a brother first!
Unknown

76.) It is much easier to become a father than to be one.
Kent Nerburn

77.) I always knew that you'd make a fantastic dad. So glad to say, "I told you so!"
Unknown

78.) There are so many things that I thought you would become, none of which was one of the world's greatest dads.
Unknown

79.) Happy Father's Day to a great brother and dad! Warm thoughts of you are filling my mind and my heart.
Unknown

80.) It's still hard for me to believe that somebody actually calls you 'Dad.' I always preferred "knuckle-head."
Unknown

81.) You're a great guy. You make our family happy, and you are an awesome dad.
Unknown

Father's Day Quotes for Uncles

82.) Uncles are there to help the child get into mischief they haven't thought of yet.
Unknown

83.) Everyone has an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
Peter Clay

84.) Only the best brothers get promoted to an uncle.
Unknown

Happy Father's Day Captions Video

For Friends

85.) She did not stand alone, but what stood behind her, the most potent moral force in her life, was the love of her father.
Harper Lee

86.) What you teach your children, you also teach their children.
Unknown

87.) I'm a father. That's what matters most. Nothing matters more.
Gordon Brown

88.) A good father is one of the most unsung, unpraised, unnoticed, and yet one of the most valuable assets in our society.
Billy Graham

89.) Dads are most ordinary men turned by love into heroes, adventurers, story-tellers, and singers of song.
Unknown

90.) A father is a man who expects his children to be as good as he meant to be.
Carol Coats

91.) Any fool can have a child. That doesn't make you a father. It's the courage to raise a child that makes you a father.
Barack Obama

92.) I think that my strong determination for justice comes from the very strong, dynamic personality of my father. I have rarely ever met a person more fearless and courageous than my father. The thing that I admire most about my dad is his genuine Christian character. He is a man of real integrity, deeply committed to moral and ethical principles. He is conscientious in all of his undertakings. If I had a problem, I could always call Daddy.
Martin Luther King, Jr.

93.) What you teach your children, you also teach their children.
Unknown

94.) There's no shame in fear, my father told me; what matters is how we face it.
George R.R. Martin, A Clash of Kings

95.) A father's words are like a thermostat that sets the temperature in the house.
Paul Lewis

Good Sayings for Dad

96.)A father is a banker provided by nature.
Unknown

97.) The imprint of a father remains forever on the life of the child.
Roy Lessin

98.) The nature of fatherhood is that you're doing something that you're unqualified to do, and then you become qualified when you do it.
John Green

99.) No man stands taller than when he stoops to help a child.
Abraham Lincoln

100.) The people who don't believe in heroes haven't met my dad.
Unknown

101.) Lately, all my friends are worried they're turning into their fathers. I'm worried I'm not.
Dan Zevin

102.) A dad is someone who wants to catch you when you fall. Instead, he picks you up, brushes you off, and lets you try again.
Unknown

Short Father's Day Quotes

103.) When one has not had a good father, one must create one.
Friedrich Nietzsche

104.) A father is a banker provided by nature.
French Proverb

105.) The fundamental defect of fathers is that they want their children to be a credit to them.
Bertrand Russell

106.) I believe that what we become depends on what our fathers teach us at odd moments when they aren't trying to teach us. We are formed by little scraps of wisdom.
Umberto Eco, Foucault's Pendulum

107.) Perhaps host and guest is really the happiest relation for father and son.
Evelyn Waugh

108.) By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong.
Charles Wadsworth

109.) Your children need your presence more than your presents.
Jesse Jackson

110.) A dad is neither an anchor to hold us back nor a sail to take us there but a guiding light whose love shows us the way.
Unknown

111.) Dad, can I have money to go to a 50 Cent concert? Here's one dollar; take your sister, too.
The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon

Insightful Quotations for Fathers

112.) Every parent is at some time the father of the unreturned prodigal, with nothing to do but keep his house open to hope.
John Ciardi

113.) Parents are the bones on which children cut their teeth.
Peter Ustinov

114.) You don't have to deserve your mother's love. You have to deserve your father's. He's more particular.
Robert Frost

115.) Whatever you would have your children become, strive to exhibit in your own lives and conversation.
Lydia H. Sigourney

Celebrity Father's Day Quotes

Sometimes some clever Father's Day quotes come from notable sources. Check these out.

116.) Before I can live with other folks, I've got to live with myself.
Atticus Finch

117.) He said, 'I wasn't so good to you.' I said, "You did your best.' It changed our relationship immediately.
Bruce Springsteen

118.) "Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip," my father once said.
Will Rogers, Jr.

119.) While he was alive, I was Dad's life. Now, making good for Dad is my life.
Mickey Mantle on his dad, Charles "Mutt" Mantle

120.) If you're happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep.
Jim Gaffigan

121.) It's never an insult to be called what somebody thinks is a bad name. It just shows you how poor that person is; it doesn't hurt you.
Atticus Finch

122.) Being a parent is the single most challenging thing I've ever done/continue to do, but it's also far and away the greatest joy in my life. It has given me purpose, taught me patience, and expanded my heart.
Neil Patrick Harris

Famous Fathers Quotations

123.) A father carries pictures where his money used to be.
Steve Martin

124.) Calvin: Dad, what causes wind?
Calvin's Dad: Trees sneezing.
Calvin: Really??
Calvin's Dad: No. But the truth is more complicated.
Calvin and Hobbes

125.) On our six a.m. walk, my daughter asked where the moon goes each morning. I let her know it's in heaven visiting daddy's freedom.
Ryan Reynolds

126.) The key to parenting is don't overthink it. Because overthinking leads to… what were we talking about?
Homer Simpson

127.) You have to be adaptable because they consistently keep changing. They'll do something that blows your mind, and then they'll spit all their food on the carpet.
Neil Patrick Harris

128.) The only way I can describe [fatherhood]—it sounds stupid—but at the end of How the Grinch Stole Christmas, you know how his heart grows like five times? Everything is full; it's just full all the time. Matt Damon

129.) Being a dad isn't just about eating a huge bag of gummy bears as your wife gives birth. It means being comfortable with the word hero.
Ryan Reynolds

Happy Father's Day Quote

130.) My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person: he believed in me.
Jim Valvano

131.) The heart of a father is the masterpiece of nature.
Antoine François Prévost

132.) A father could be defined as the 3 P's – the protector, the provider, and the problem solver.
Theodore W. Higginsworth

133.) My dad's my best mate, and he always will be.
Cher Lloyd

134.) He adopted a role called being a father so that his child would have something mythical and infinitely important: a protector.
Tom Wolfe

135.) Sometimes the poorest man leaves his children the richest inheritance.
Ruth E. Renkel

136.) It is not flesh and blood but the heart which makes us fathers and sons.
Johann Schiller

137.) Dads are most ordinary men turned by love into heroes, adventurers, storytellers, and singers of song.
Pam Brown

138.) An almost perfect relationship with his father was the earthly root of all his wisdom.
C.S. Lewis

139.) I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection.
Sigmund Freud

140.) My father has always provided me a safe place to land and a hard place from which to launch.
Chelsea Clinton

Inspiring Insights

141.) A girl's father is the first man in her life and probably the most influential.
Unknown

142.) The greatest mark of a father is how he treats his children when no one is looking.
Dan Pearce

143.) A girl's father is the first man in her life and probably the most influential.
David Jeremiah

144.) A father's smile has been known to light up a child's entire day.
Susan Gale

145.) It is a wise father that knows his own child.
William Shakespeare

146.) Dads are like chocolate chip cookies; they may have chips or be totally nutty, but they are sweet and make the world a better place, especially for their children.
Hillary Lytle

Notable Father's Day Quotes

147.) Parenthood remains the greatest single preserve of the amateur.
Alvin Toffler

148.) The fundamental defect of fathers is that they want their children to be a credit to them.
Bertrand Russell

149.) When one has not had a good father, one must create one.
Friedrich Nietzsche

150.) To become a father is not hard; to be a father is, however.
Wilhelm Busch

151.) A father is a banker provided by nature.
French proverb

Fatherly Advice: 7 Tips From Dad

1.) Never cut what you can untie.

2.) You are the average of your five closest friends.

3.) Prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

4.) Your name is your brand; protect it at all times.

5.) Always try your best.

6.) Never give up.

7.) Do not be afraid to make mistakes. But learn from them.

Father's Day Time and Date

Father's Day date changes from year to year. For this year, Father's Day falls on Sunday, June 19, 2022, in the United States.

How To Use These Father's Day Quotations

Here are some ideas for how to put this fun collection to use:

A.) Include one of your favorite sayings from this page on a card.

B.) Send Dad a text – including one quotation each day – beginning seven days prior to Father's Day.

C.) Make a post on Facebook thanking your date and expressing your gratitude. Including a great quotation to kick things off.

D.) Caption an Instagram photo of Dad when he was young with one of these sayings.

E.) Write a list for your Dad of all the reasons you're thankful he's your father. Open and close with a meaningful and inspirational quote about your father.

Father's Day Quotes FAQs

Here are some frequently asked questions on Father's Day quotes.

What is the best quote for Father's Day?

Here's a good Father's Day quote by George Herbert, "One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters."

What are some quotes about fathers?

Here are two favorite quotes about dads: 1.) A truly rich man is one whose children run into his arms when his hands are empty. 2.) My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, "You're tearing up the grass." "We're not raising grass," Dad would reply. "We're raising boys." (By Harmon Killebrew, Major League Baseball player)

What's a quote about what being a father means?

"A father is a man who expects his son to be as good a man as he meant to be," by Frank A. Clark.

By Michael O'Halloran

In addition to being a curator of quotes, Mike is an author, inventor, and entrepreneur. He worked as president of Magnetic Poetry, creators of the ubiquitous refrigerator magnets folks use to create verse in their kitchens. He's the father of four daughters.